I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
