My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
