This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
