Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
thus making me awesome and them whores
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
