Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
