its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I wear drunk well.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
