she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
