so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
