How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
