at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
