Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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