Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
