i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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