Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
