The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize