im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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