There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
