I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
