seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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