yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
