Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
