well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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