dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
