I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
