apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
