im holly from the hills drunk
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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