it wasn't lemon gatorade
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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