tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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