I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
