I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
