I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
