Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
