Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
