Someone shit on the floor
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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