whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
