oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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