so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
