New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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