if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
