btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
