Kiss
Puke
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i now understand why vodka
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
