McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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