She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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