On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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