The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
