Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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