why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
