also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
