happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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