Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
