we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
