I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
