I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
false alarm. still invincible.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
