the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
