you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
