did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
