Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
