There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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