Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We need to get me chipped asap
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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