All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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