Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
