Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
