having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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