Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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