I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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