3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I am available for nakedness
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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