Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
