Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
