what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
