he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
