It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
