i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
