Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He did a backflip because drugs
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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