things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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