i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
